With or against? Know your story.
Regardless of what side you are on, what is happening between Israel and Hamas is universally disturbing and will continue to represent a frightening and threatening conflict that looms in our world today. Perhaps subtly striking about the previous sentence is the assumption that you must fall on one side or the other.
Therapy Story: “To others, I am the happy one.”
“I am the happy one” is what I like to call a dominant story. I have found that part of the cause of people’s feeling stuck, depressed, high anxiety, and all the symptoms can be associated are the expectations foisted upon us by the roles we end up playing in lives. Starting even as early as childhood, people embrace the labels that their families often give them: “the happy one,” “the thoughtful one,” “the stubborn one.” These are just a few that end up becoming part of people’s fundamental way of thinking about themselves, and often end up living into their adult relationships.
Therapy Story: “By this age, I should have accomplished…”
From the beginning of pre-school, to the end of college, graduate school or beyond, our society dictates to us what we should be doing, when, how, and compared to whom. This source of these dominant stories are varied and include social, corporate, familial and ethnic/cultural spheres. These stories cause anxiety.
Therapy Story: "I feel so behind compared to other people."
It is common that people start therapy with the belief that they are behind in some area of life. It may be career, relationships, or even in understanding fundamental truths about their identity. So many of us believe that we should have accomplished more than we have at this point and judge ourselves based on others whom we perceive to be further along.
Therapy Story: “I should be over that by now.”
In our NYC-paced energy-filled complicated and often lives, we are socialized to “keep pushing forward.” We feel pressure from within and from around ourselves to “not look back” and continue building, growing, and progressing. While this sentiment has value (and is indeed palpable from the moment a person starts pre-school), it also represents a dominant story that can occlude vital parts of our past lived experience that may need continued processing.
Therapy Story: “Sometimes it feels like I can never relax.”
Relaxation can assume incredibly different forms for each of us. And while we all crave moments to unwind or take our mind off of other pressing responsibilities, it can be challenging to explicitly define what relaxation looks like, even when those rare pockets of free time emerge in our schedules. And while the prescriptive bubble bath, easy chair, or warm cup of tea may pop into our heads when we have a few hours to spare, they don’t necessarily foster the tranquility and presence that can always rejuvenate us.
Therapy Story: “I feel so behind compared to other people.”
A variant on “I should have done this by now,” this statement reminds me of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Behind this statement is the concept that specific life stages are tied to specific accomplishments, and that one cannot progress beyond a certain stage unless a task or milestone has been accomplished.
Therapy Story: "My problems are not as bad as other people’s problems.”
I often hear people say things like “I hate this job, but I have to remember, a lot of people don’t have a job,” (so I shouldn’t feel this way) or “There are a lot of people that have it a lot worse than me, so I should stop complaining.”