A variant on “I should have done this by now,” this statement reminds me of Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Behind this statement is the concept that specific life stages are tied to specific accomplishments, and that one cannot progress beyond a certain stage unless a task or milestone has been accomplished.
This has been further complicated by the pandemic, as detailed by New York’s recent article “The Pandemic Skip,” on feeling a sense of grief of what could have been and grappling with where we stand in relation to time in the last four years that have passed. Suddenly everyone else seems to have progressed — at hyperspeed– into their new lives, while we might feel adrift, behind, or not sure of where we want to go.
One’s identities can complicate this further when we hold certain expectations that might be tied to culture, religion, and gender. These expectations can further oppress us when we feel we need to conform to the dominant narratives of others, instead of developing our own stories, and discounting our own experiences.