Anxiety

Therapy Story: “By this age, I should have accomplished…”

by Adam Joncich, PhD

From the beginning of pre-school, to the end of college, graduate school or beyond, our society dictates to us what we should be doing, when, how, and compared to whom. This source of these dominant stories are varied and include social, corporate, familial and ethnic/cultural spheres. These stories cause anxiety.  

I have found working with people in talk therapy that the strength of beliefs about what a person “should have accomplished” or how one’s life should look is stronger than ever. New generations of people entering adulthood have their social media feeds presenting curated and often idealized examples of how they should be feeling, what they should be doing, and also how they should present it to others (both online and in person). This can be depressing. 

One emerging truth I have deduced, however, is that the expectations that we all hold ourselves to through various spheres of outside influence are almost uniformly experienced uniquely by each person—so the inside of the home with a white picket fence, a dog, and two kids (one common dominant story many aspire to) are actually lived uniquely by each person. Further, it is vitally important and relieving that a person validates and embraces the path that they are on; not only their unique version of that story and the nuances of their living of it, but also to integrate that dominant societal story with the many other local stories of their life that may not fit perfectly.

In therapy, we hope to help people connect to their own experience, their local stories, and to understand their existence independently as well as in interaction with the many societal, familial, cultural, and personal expectations that provide meaning and richness to their lives.

[ Read more Therapy Stories ]

Therapy Story: "I feel so behind compared to other people."

by Libby Hartle-Tyrrell, LMSW

It is common that people start therapy with the belief that they are behind in some area of life. It may be career, relationships, or even in understanding fundamental truths about their identity. So many of us believe that we should have accomplished more than we have at this point and judge ourselves based on others whom we perceive to be further along. 

While it is true that the normative benchmarks we’ve agreed upon as a society can be helpful in guiding us through life (and equally true that rejecting them can be important and thrilling), when we tell ourselves that we are “behind,” it not only implies that there is a single “correct” way to do life, it also disavows what we gain from taking a circuitous path or doing things in our own time. When we privilege accomplishing things on a specific timeline, we may devalue experiences that have allowed us to explore who we are, what matters to us, and what we want out of life. All of the things that add meaning and depth to our choices and lead to accomplishments that are relevant to who we are, as opposed to merely fulfilling inherited expectations. 

There’s a legend about Picasso that he tried to sell a sketch on a napkin for one million francs and when the prospective buyer balked at the price saying it only took him 2 minutes to draw, he replied “My dear, it took me a lifetime to be able to draw this sketch.” This story is a helpful reminder that who we are at any given moment is a product of all of the experiences we’ve had up to that point; all of the detours and setbacks, all of the joy rides that have turned into deadends and what they’ve taught us. It reminds us that these experiences are not wasted, are not things that have taken us away from our path, but can be braided into the multiple pathways that make up our greater story. If we take the time to understand and integrate them, which is often the work of therapy, they can help us live more honestly and authentically.

[ Read more Therapy Stories ]

Therapy Story: “I should be over that by now.”

by Adam Joncich, PhD

In our NYC-paced energy-filled complicated and often lives, we are socialized to “keep pushing forward.” We feel pressure from within and from around ourselves to “not look back” and continue building, growing, and progressing. While this sentiment has value (and is indeed palpable from the moment a person starts pre-school), it also represents a dominant story that can occlude vital parts of our past lived experience that may need continued processing.  

Such an approach becomes relevant in predictable scenarios–for example the loss of a loved one can be more easily experienced as something to move past than something to process. Grieving is difficult indeed. We often make persistent efforts to turn away from difficult emotions involved with processing loss and do so in the name of “being ok,” “putting a brave face on,” or “being strong.”  

Another example is the ending of a romantic relationship–people often put artificial pressure on themselves to “get over” people who have hurt them, or left them confused. In fact “I am so over that” has become a moniker people use to express freedom from thinking about something. Alas, thinking about something, and telling the full story about what has been experienced often provides a better approach to integrating past experience into current functioning.

So when you think to yourself “I should be over that by now,” I would suggest that you consider the fact that it is still on your mind to be an indicator to yourself that it may be time to engage with it, talk it through and tell the story–it will help you in the long run.

[ Read more Therapy Stories ]

Therapy Story: “Sometimes it feels like I can never relax.”

by Tom Giardini, MHC-LP

Relaxation can assume incredibly different forms for each of us. And while we all crave moments to unwind or take our mind off of other pressing responsibilities, it can be challenging to explicitly define what relaxation looks like, even when those rare pockets of free time emerge in our schedules. And while the prescriptive bubble bath, easy chair, or warm cup of tea may pop into our heads when we have a few hours to spare, they don’t necessarily foster the tranquility and presence that can always rejuvenate us. 

Without definition, relaxation has great potential to become another task on the to-do list - a task lacking a clear duration, location, and function. Taking time to identify feelings and activities that cater to our unique experiences of peace can bring us closer to mindfully, and hopefully enjoyably, recharging our batteries. It can also become easier to make time for your distinct flavor of relaxation when its characteristics are concrete.

Therapy provides a venue to piece together the elements of your story and allow for discoveries about what “kicking back” can look like for you.

[ Read more Therapy Stories ]

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6 Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

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6 Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

 
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Body Talk

Our bodies are sensitive systems that are constantly communicating with us. You’re walking through a field of flowers in springtime and start uncontrollably sneezing - that’s your body telling you it’s allergic to pollen. You eat a chicken sandwich that you found sitting in the backseat of your car and start feeling nauseous - that’s your stomach rejecting tainted food and telling you you’re about to pay handsomely for a questionable decision.

These examples involve symptoms that clearly point to physical causes. It’s common to assume that a physical symptom means that the cause is also physical in nature. But what about mysterious, general physical problems where the cause is harder to determine? Like headaches, muscle tension, or a suddenly racing heart? In these cases, our bodies are again trying to tell us something, but the symptoms are harder to decode.


How often do we consider that these symptoms could be manifestations of emotions, not just the body?

Anxiety: A Monster with Many Faces

Anxiety is one of the most prevalent mental health issues today. As of 2018, The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 31.1% of adults in the United States will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America have documented that people with anxiety disorders are 3 to 5 times more likely to go to the doctor. These statistics show us that anxiety is not only incredibly common, but that it affects people’s mind and body. This is why it is so important to learn to recognize some of the physical symptoms of anxiety.

6 Bodily Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety can show itself in many ways, so we’ve highlighted some of the most common ones.

  1. Muscle Tension - Particular areas of your body might be quite tense or tight. The neck, back, chest, or jaw are often affected.

  2. Repetitive Nervous Habits - Restless leg shaking, lip/cheek chewing, skin picking, nail biting, or teeth grinding are classic signs of anxiety.

  3. Digestive Issues - Gastrointestinal troubles are strong clues, ranging from stomachaches to constipation/diarrhea, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, abdominal cramps, nausea, or increased frequency of using the bathroom.

  4. Sleep Disruptions - Anxiety can make you feel keyed-up, or wired to the point of insomnia, but it can also exhaust you with fatigue. Additionally, it can cause vivid nightmares, further interrupting restful sleep.

  5. Racing Heart - A common symptom of panic disorder is elevated heart rate. It often brings with it dizziness, shortness of breath or low blood pressure.

  6. Increased Body Temperature - Feeling hot, having a flushed appearance, and sweating are also red flags of anxiety.

The Takeaway

This list is by no means exhaustive, but might prove helpful in identifying the root of physical discomfort. It is worth noting that mental health issues can occur independently of or in addition to physical medical conditions. Thus, it is important to be evaluated by both a medical professional as well as a therapist.

Recognizing these signs can help you get a handle on feeling better. Developing coping skills such as breathing exercises, physical activity, meditation, working with a therapist, and in some instances medication, are just several of many methods to work with these symptoms. Understanding what you are experiencing is an important first step in alleviating the pain of anxiety.

What helps you when you feel anxious? If something helps you, it might help someone else dealing with the same. Please share with us - leave a comment!

Further Reading

Summer’s Over? Back to Real Life.

Handling Autumn Anxiety

How do you feel when your calendar switches over to September 1st? Nervous as responsibilities creep back in? Wistful to have more time to accomplish your warm-weather plans?

If you’ve felt this seasonal anxiety before, you’re certainly not alone.

In 2005, Ginny Scully, a therapist from Wales, invented the term “autumn anxiety” to describe the feelings of anticipation and nervousness that accompany August’s shift into September. Although autumn anxiety is not classified as a clinical issue like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), it’s certainly real. The phenomenon is brought on by a number of elements: cooler weather, shorter days, the school year beginning, new social and work-related responsibilities, and less free time in general.

Consider these 4 ways to keep autumn angst in check:

  1. WRITE A NEW CHAPTER - The fall season brings with it transition and newness. Each year, the change of season gives us an opportunity to start over. To write a new story for ourselves - set fresh goals and challenges. Consider everything you’ve gained over the course of the year, let it propel you forward.

  2. TAKE STOCK - Get organized about what you’re doing. What did you do this year so far? What’s changed? What’s the same? What would you like to see for the remainder of the year? Keep in mind what you’ve accomplished so far and be intentional about where you want to go from here.

  3. STAY CONNECTED - It can be all too tempting to stay inside under a blanket through the dark, chilly months. Plan activities with friends to fight depression and isolation. Get together to do cozy fall things. Think: warm drinks, funny movies, crafting, cooking, museums, apple picking.

  4. REFLECT AND TAKE CARE - Fall is the perfect time to introspect. Take time to contemplate, journal, meditate, and be gentle with yourself. Think about how you’ve grown, what you’ve accomplished over the year, and prioritize the things you have yet to follow through on.

Keep in mind that times of transition, seasonal or otherwise, can be ideal for starting therapy. Counseling can be a great help, offering perspective when it comes to understanding yourself, your current story, and your future goals.

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