Therapy Story: “Sometimes it feels like I can never relax.”

by Tom Giardini, MHC-LP

Relaxation can assume incredibly different forms for each of us. And while we all crave moments to unwind or take our mind off of other pressing responsibilities, it can be challenging to explicitly define what relaxation looks like, even when those rare pockets of free time emerge in our schedules. And while the prescriptive bubble bath, easy chair, or warm cup of tea may pop into our heads when we have a few hours to spare, they don’t necessarily foster the tranquility and presence that can always rejuvenate us. 

Without definition, relaxation has great potential to become another task on the to-do list - a task lacking a clear duration, location, and function. Taking time to identify feelings and activities that cater to our unique experiences of peace can bring us closer to mindfully, and hopefully enjoyably, recharging our batteries. It can also become easier to make time for your distinct flavor of relaxation when its characteristics are concrete.

Therapy provides a venue to piece together the elements of your story and allow for discoveries about what “kicking back” can look like for you.

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Useful Tips for Starting Therapy

Step 1: Deciding to Begin Therapy

Ready Or Not?

How do you know when to start therapy? You might choose to start therapy for countless reasons. To name a few:

• Feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or stressed

• Having friends or family express concern about your well-being

• Dealing with a major transition (breakup, unemployment, etc.)

• Having trouble organizing or sorting through emotions and thoughts

• Needing a fresh, neutral perspective

• Knowing something isn’t right, but unsure about what to do

• Feeling ready to change and learn more about yourself
  

Basically, there are many factors that might make us want to speak to a professional counselor. There is no right or wrong time per se, but if you find yourself relating to one or more of the listed items above, now might be a good opportunity to start considering it.

Step 2: Finding a Therapist

Window Shopping

Finding a therapist you can authentically relate to and connect with is a priority. The elements of therapy are highly personal, intimate, and vulnerable, so feeling comfortable with your counselor can is crucial for fully engaging in the process. Shop around! Learn about the different types of therapy that exist to see what might work best for you - cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, psychodynamic, the list goes on. (Psychology Today provides solid, comprehensive information on these - read more about them here).

Additionally, some excellent resources for finding a therapist include:

• Psychology Today

• Your insurance company’s website

• Employee Assistance Program

• Referral from friend, family member, or a trusted medical professional

Once you’ve chosen several counselors, call them to set up an initial phone or face-to-face consultation. Prepare some questions to learn more about them, how they operate, and if they have experience with specific issues you might be dealing with.

Step 3: Engaging in Therapy

What Do You Want To Gain?

Different people have different goals and levels of involvement for their therapy experience. Some people go into it as a more short-term, solution-focused approach. They might want to address a particular problem or gain certain coping skills.

At CoreStory, we primarily integrate psychodynamic, psychoanalytic, and narrative therapy orientations. These approaches emphasize the relationship between therapist and client, encourage deeper exploration into thought processes and emotions, and empower clients to tell or rewrite their life stories. Read more about CoreStory’s therapy style and specialties here:

• https://www.corestoryny.com/therapy-style/

• https://www.corestoryny.com/therapy-specialties/
  

A Note on Stigma

It’s important to mention that being in therapy in no way implies that there is something wrong with you. Far from it. In fact, it indicates quite the opposite - that you have the desire and curiosity to understand yourself. As a society, we need to continue the good fight against negative, false assumptions about mental health.

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How do you feel about starting therapy?

If you have already, how did you decide to begin?

Please share your thoughts and experiences with us - comment below.

Further Links

• https://jezebel.com/5703322/how-to-find-a-therapist

• https://www.thecut.com/2017/12/a-beginners-guide-to-finding-the-right-therapist.html

• https://psychcentral.com/blog/talk-the-talk-10-tips-for-starting-therapy/

• https://thriveworks.com/blog/signs-start-therapy/

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/types-of-therapy

• https://www.corestoryny.com/therapy-style/

• https://www.corestoryny.com/therapy-specialties/

Courage to Speak: The Survivor’s Story

This past week was a painful, triggering one for survivors of sexual assault. The news cycle has been on fire since the hearing in which Christine Blasey Ford appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee to testify against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh whom she says sexually assaulted her when they were in high school. After her vulnerable testimony, Kavanaugh responded by forcefully denying these allegations. After it was announced that republican Senator Jeff Flake voted in favor of Kavanaugh, two female survivors of sexual assault confronted him in an elevator as he tried to leave. They held the elevator doors open, gave emotional accounts of their own experiences as victims, and asked him how he could send the message that perpetrators still win in spite of their victim’s story. This incident prompted Flake to waver on his stance; he has since asked for a week long FBI investigation of the outstanding allegations against Kavanaugh before he guarantees his nomination.

To be clear, this post is not about politics. It is about human trauma and survivorship. The core issue here is about victims feeling brave enough, supported enough to speak their truth and come forward with it. Ford’s voice is one of a huge chorus of women - ultimately of people - bringing the issue of sexual assault to light. Her testimony, as well as the women who spoke to Senator Flake, highlights the importance of survivors telling their stories. It encourages a conversation about those who come forward to share their difficult experiences, and about the way others choose to respond to these stories.

Therapy was a key factor that helped Ford to vocalize what happened to her, and to eventually come forward. Many news articles covering the hearing pointed out that it was during a couples counseling session in 2012 that she was first able to voice her experience.

Therapy provides an empathic, supportive atmosphere to disclose personal experiences, trauma included. Narrative therapy is particularly curative when acknowledging and processing traumas. It empowers clients to be their own authors - to speak their stories, and even rewrite them.

If we are to help others transform victimhood into survivorship, we must support, listen, and acknowledge the reality of these painful stories.

“There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you”
- Maya Angelou, author, poet, mother, sexual assault survivor

Further resources:

• https://www.rainn.org/

• https://www.safehorizon.org/get-help/rape-and-sexual-assault/

• https://www.bustle.com/articles/168835-7-little-ways-to-support-sexual-assault-survivors

• https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/yw438w/how-broadly-staff-gets-through-a-day-like-today

What Makes Us Human

Whether it’s our earliest childhood memory, a family trauma, a heartbreak, or a three minute conversation with a stranger in the grocery store checkout line, relating our stories can be a powerful act.

Recounting personal narratives can be complicated. The process can be painful, eye-opening, hilarious, infuriating, transformative. Ultimately, storytelling is a uniquely human experience. It helps bring out emotions, empowers us, helps us connect and empathize with one another.

Neurological effects of storytelling. [Source: Fast Company via Forbes]