New Year, New Fear
Do you find that the new year makes you think about a lot of old stuff? In a sometimes not so positive light?
Well, you’re not alone.
Times of reflection, like New Year’s Eve, can intensify any tendencies you already have to compare yourself to others, or to focus on the things you should-have-would-have-could-have accomplished.
The Shame Game
Classic New Years regrets typically revolve around the following:
Health and weight loss
Relationships
Career success
Financial issues and debt
Forming or breaking habits
And all of these can be further worsened by seasonal winter blues - icing on the cake.
It’s true that society does us few favors by pushing conventional success and encouraging constant comparison to others.
So as the year turns over, how do we escape that shame spiral of feeling like we’re not enough?
Be Real and Share Your Feels
In spite of everyone’s sparkly, celebratory appearance on this holiday, chances are they’re all feeling a bit insecure about themselves and their annual accomplishments.
It’s okay to be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling, even if it’s less than joyous. It’s especially important to take care of yourself right now. Find those you feel close to and share with them.
Some more ideas for how to stay honest and connected on New Year’s:
Write in a journal
Talk to your closest friends or family
Have a quiet night in to think a little
Don’t push yourself to fake feelings of celebration or happiness
Leave the party a little early
Focus on your own life without comparing yourself to others
A Prime Time for Therapy
Sometimes, the tough feelings brought on by the holidays demand more than just the ear of a friend or a family member. The New Year is a great opportunity to begin therapy or to schedule an extra session with your counselor. Therapists are a wonderful sounding board for helping you sort out your emotions, ground you, and to help you see things a bit more clearly. Our approach at CoreStory is strongly based in narrative therapy. This method has you look at your life as a story you are writing. The New Year is an ideal time to take stock of your life story and to think about how you’d like to see it progress.
The Takeaway
New Year’s can be a surprisingly overwhelming occasion, sometimes bringing on waves of insecurity and failure. Try to think of this moment as an opportunity to self-reflect without comparing yourself to others. Focus on yourself right now regardless of what others are doing or have accomplished. Seek out the counsel of those you love and trust, whether it’s a friend or a therapist. Remember, your life is your own and if you want to change it, you certainly can! But try to be patient and gentle with yourself while you’re in process - these things take time.